Today was a difficult day.
Lotsa tears.
I was overwhelmed
I hate the unknown
For the last 2 months my life has seemed like a dream.
The Kinda dream that shifts from bunnies and lolly pops to nightmares and back and forth.
I feel like I'm in a fog
I still have this need and desire to "stay on top of things" and keep positive
So I wanted to share a few things that I'm thankful for
My Father In law~ for coming over and watching the kids while Adam had his hearing test. And with out being asked trimming our trees and fixing our fence.
I'm thankful for a dirty 2 year old (who no longer naps) passing out on the couch with fishy crackers
I am thankful for my beautiful little boy
who will teach me so much.
Last week I went to a Down syndrome parent support groupAnd really for the FIRST time in weeks I didn't feel alone.
all these parents knew how I felt
They understood the feeling of loss
mourning the loss of expectations
and the worry and fear.
They ohhed and awwed at my little man.
and my heart soared.
They weren't looking at him thinking what a cute "Downs baby" (ugh I hate that term)
they saw him as a baby....
Then I noticed something....
as I looked at all the other parents
there was no fear
there was no mourning
there were smiles, stories and parents sharing parenting tips
it was normal.
my new normal
I am a mother of 4!
4 kids!
and a 2 month old with Down syndrome.
I look forward to a time when this doesn't feel so shocking to say.
I long to put the fear away and find the peace
but for now some days are hard. scary. and overwhelming.
and other days are filled with bunny and lolly pops
I'm hoping tomorrow is a Bunny and lolly pop day.....I think I'm due for it!
7 comments:
Hi Tricia!
Your blog design is really cute and I love that photo of your four beautiful kids. I remember when you came to my bridal shower years ago and showed me pictures of Jayna. How far you've come! And you still look just as hot as ever! haha:)
I wanted to let you know that I really admire your courage and your strength. I can imagine, even though I haven't had similar experiences, that it must be a very difficult situation and that you must oscillate between joy and sadness a lot. I just want to say that I am following along during this time, thinking of you, and just admiring you for your honesty. You are an absolutely fabulous mom and I'm sure Justin is a fabulous dad. You guys will do great. Even though right now is hard, I think that in the long run you'll surprise yourselves with how wonderfully you will be able to help your family thrive in the face of any and all challenges, even this most unexpected one.
Adam is a beautiful baby. Period. No qualifying that, or adding an asterisk to it or caveat that he's a cute "downs baby". And he will be a beautiful person as well, when he's grown, sans asterisk!
Take care!
Tricia, I am so amazed at you strength. I think that your family is very blessed to have you as their mother and wife. You are very blessed to have four beautiful children and I hope that one day the shock will not be about Adam but the fact that you are now a mother of four. LOL Keep finding the joy in the little things. Love Ya Tracy
Mom of 4 - you're doin' great!!!! That has to be the cutest little dirty 2 year old I've ever seen!!
Your honesty is refreshing and gives us all a glimpse into your new normal. Thanks for sharing with us.
Hang in there! It'll only get better.
I promise you... you will have many bunny and lollipop days ahead. You are stronger than you think. Of course, we found out that Justin had Down syndrome when he was 6 months (well, I knew he had it as a baby... no one would listen.) I have never been to a support group. No one was there to tell me what to do since it wasn't caught in the hospital. I felt very alone. I should look into it even now! That's what I love about the blogging world. I have realized that we are strong parents. We can all get through these rough times. There are going to be good days and bad days, smiles and tears, but the blessings WILL outweigh the challenges! There were so many days in the beginning where I felt so alone, scared and overwhelmed. I just cried and cried. I love my little boy, that was never the issue. I just needed someone who understood. I will be going to my first Down syndrome activity next week and I am so excited to meet my "new family" to share things with. Hang in there my friend! You ARE amazing!
Hey Tricia ...
Thanks for visiting my blog. :) Your son is a handsome little guy!
I just wanted to give you a little encouragement ... you will be the one encouraging others one day ... I promise! The best thing you can do is what you are already doing ... surround yourself with people who have been in your shoes.
Have you been to the forum at downsyn.com? That place pulled me through. The people, the information ... I met some of my best friends there. Check it out!
Also, have you read the book Gifts? If not, let me know and I'll send you a copy. :)
Adam is getting so big, what a sweetheart. I can't wait to meet him this summer.
Post a Comment