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Adam in his big boy clothes! wearing the tiniest pair of jeans ever!!!! EEEEK SO cute!Its been almost a moth now since our little world was turned upside down with the early arrival of our 4th baby. At 34 weeks and 4 days I was having what I thought was braxton hicks....nope Adam was ready to come!!!
At the Hospital we were transferred from the care of our midwife to an OB who felt it necessary to knock me out and do an emergency C section (I still disagree with both the knocking out and the c section)
3 hours later I woke up... unable to see my baby who was in the NICU, and was told that my baby might have Down syndrome. And I STILL didn't get to see him (till the morning)
It was a very painful recovery, and I was straight up CRAZY for the first week. Drugged hormonal and over come with emotions.
One week later the lab results returned and confirmed the Dr's suspicions. That Adam had an extra Chromosome.... Trisomy 21. Our baby had Down syndrome.
I had all these emotions bubbling inside of me....sadness, anger, confusion, relief, and Love. You name it I was feeling it. Thankfully I had my loving husband who was truly my rock. (those of you that know us know how amazing he was through this whole ordeal)
For as long as I can remember I dreamed of being a mom. To marry my best friend and have 4 kids.... 2 boys and 2 girls that I could dress in coordinating outfits. Everything was Perfect. Just as I had always planned.
now this
now this
now Down syndrome.
I never planed for Down syndrome.
I have moments of utter sadness that hurts my heart beyond measure.
I have moments of sobbing and crying and yes even wailing.
I have moments of anger...
and I have moments of fear.
fear that I am being punished by God For something I did or didn't do...
fear that it was something I may have done.
Fear that I won't be a good mom to a child with special needs
fear of the unknown
fear of what it will be like to be the mom of a 30 year old man with Down syndrome
But then there are times that I feel so at peace
I feel in control
I feel excited to meet other mothers and children with Down syndrome
I feel excited to learn
I feel hopeful that with early intervention, a tonne of love and faith our little Adam will become his very best.
and most of all I feel so in love with Adam and our family.....
and most of all I feel so in love with Adam and our family.....
So there it is...the truth
we are doing well
some moments are wonderful
and others are just surviving...and remembering to breath even if it hurts....
14 comments:
He is absolutely beautiful. I love him already. You are going to be a wonderful mom and handle each challenge with strength.
Always know that you are not alone in this journey. I look forward to being with you through it all.
I love you!
Amazing post Tricia. Honest and amazing. That's you - in a nutshell.
Adam is adorable - can't wait to watch him grow!
He is beautiful! I am glad to know that he is home with the family. I am sorry you had to go through everything that you did. C-sections are no fun, I had to have one with the twins, didn't want to, but with one breeched we had too.
Good luck and just remember what I heard once, that it takes a special mother to raise a child with a disability. You were one of the chosen ones to have this child come into your home.
Take care!
Annette Burke
Tricia I'm so glad you're blogging again! I loved all of Adam's pictures and your story. You are an awesome mom and don't you EVER forget it. All of your kids were sent to you because Heavenly Father knew that they needed YOU to be their mom. Being a mom to adopted children has made me realize this even more. Don't punish yourself over silly feelings. Adam is indeed a special child, but he was sent to you, because you're a VERY special mom and he knew he'd fit right it.
I love you guys and I can't wait to meet Adam.
So glad you are all finally home as a family. Best wishes, and don't forget to lean on those around you for strength & support when you need it! Wish I could be closer to meet your new little guy.
okay, those jeans have got to be the tiniest things ever. Great honest post Tricia. Just know that everything you're feeling is normal and we all know that you and Justin are amazing parents and that your family will do just fine. Plus I'm pretty sure no matter what the circumstances, bringing home baby number four is probably pretty tumultuous time for the first couple of weeks (okay months).
Tricia,
Thank you for your honesty. It takes a ton of strength to be honest like you did in that last post. I am in your corner.
Love you
Rhonda
I love him - he makes my heart melt!!!
Congratulations on your beautiful son!! Just wanted to say that I can relate SO well to this post! We also found out after Dylan's birth that he had Down syndrome...and what a journey it's been ever since!!
Looking forward to following your journey : )
One thing is for sure: Your kids, especially Adam, will know they're loved, not just by Mom & Dad, but others. Your children are so incredibly lucky to have wonderful parents such as you and Justin. That's God's gift to them, not a punishment to you.
Your post was inspirational to me. I just found out that my mother's cancer has returned and the prognosis doesn't look too good. As I went out and walked and cried your words came to me about just surviving and breathing even when it hurts. Thanks for those. I think it is beautiful way to write the great heartache we sometimes get to experience in this life. They gave me strength. I had a niece who had severe special needs. It was a very difficult journey, but her life brought a great deal of happiness. One of the things she brought was the gift of service. As we would serve her we forgot about the petty things in life and focused on what was important. I am so sorry for your heartache. I truly believe in the law of compensation that Elder Worthlin talks about in his last address before he died. That there will be wonderful blessings that your beautiful little boy will bring. But I am sure there will also be difficult times. I want to support you in any way I can. You are an amazing woman. I love you!
Tricia, I am thrilled to see your beautiful Adam. Congratulations. I am surprised about the Down Syndrome, but I know Heavenly Father knew to trsut you with this most special of His children. You are a wonderful mother. I am so proud of you. I am going to call you as soon as I can.
Love you, Annalee
Congradulations on the birth of your son.!
You will see as your son grows that he becomes such a personality in his own right. (My daughter is 14 now.)
HI Tricia
Adam is beautiful and lovely.He's going to so loving and sweet.
There are a few Mum's in the hood.I'll have to introduce you to them.
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